Monday, January 11, 2010

im living a nightmare

so i know you havent heard from me in a very long time and thats because i went to vietnam for little over a month and yeah. i warn you now this blog will be long as its 2:26am and i seriously cannot sleep. too much on the mind. so i might as well release, release it all as ive tried everything else to make me sleepy. now where was i, yeah i though mhhm while in vietnam nobody can control how or what i eat so hopefully ill come back tanned and skinny etc (it was a school trip) the first week i lost heaps of weight it was great buut after that i slowly put it back on, and i ended up thinking 'im on an amazing, once in a life time trip, dont ruin this just try new things' so i did and yeah that weight didnt stay off me long. then we did lots of energy stripping activities that required me to eat or id pass out and god those teachers on the trip were horribly over protective and if somebody felt the slightest bit sick they were watched like a hawk and had food forced down there throats. one morning i passed out and after that i was watched with every single eye of leadership. /sighhhhhhhh. well it was an amazing trip. when i got back for two weeks i lived off fruit. life was swell. then i had mad cravings and bye bye to that hot body. but new years resolutions; do well in year 12 (fuck my life i need a TER of 95.8 to get into pyschology honours ughhhh) stop eating maccas, HJs, and kfc (which has worked extremely well) and to save my small change. as well as tonight where i was watching a talk show and they were saying if you save every $5 note you get after a while you will have saved a fortune! so im gonna try that one :D :D cant wait coz right now im completely pov. also im so happy coz my cars being shipped over in the next 2 weeks, just before i go back to school, its a little red mazda astina from 1993 the best year of course ;) and my dad found an apartment so hopefully i can leave my grandmas, something ive been waiting for a very long time. see my life doesnt sound so bad? right? well lets get to the shit part.

friendship is something i dont want any of you to ever take for granted. please. my best friend had a breakdown coz apparently im all up in my own fucking world and i dont care about her and etc and some nasty things were said. i dont really wanna get into it. lets just say shes not my best friend anymore and i dont think even if she apologized i would be friends with her. ive had support but merrr its pretty shit :( shes moving like 3 hours away for the next 3 months. its weird. maybe its a good thing. i dont know. its why i cant sleep. ugh i wish i could sleep. i have extra school lessons tomorrow my dads paying a heap for so i can get a kick start this year. not being able to sleep totally blows. but for the upside i dont think ive eaten much for the past few days. and i feel extremely inspired to try new things. like i bought these caffeine tablets where you can take one every 3 hours but no less than the 3 hours between so i took 2 within half an hour (as said not to) and it gave me the shakes (which i enjoy) and gave me a little stomach pain but hey i wasnt hungry and thats the best bit hey ;) also the heat! ugh fuck i dont wanna work out but i think its a sign i need to start because i won a 3 day gym membership thing so woo save a little $$$ pplus it forces me to go the gym 3 days in a row. seeing schools back soon that means dancng too :D so my monday nights will be ballet, break, ballet, jazz then kinetic and that means no food woo. and its the holidays and i havent put on any weight but thats without exercise so once i start exercise i will hopefully loose weight. this year is going to be brutal and im almost sure that i can do this. for real this time. ill show you ex bestfriend lol wait until she comes back ill be skinny and she'll be the same fat lard shes always been. shes still got me down in the blues though ugh cant get my mind off it.

also i have a suggestion for a few of you looking at new diets or whatever, i was thinking of the beverly hills diet although i dislike prunes, ugh, yuck. but this new one i only heard of tonight called the shangri-la diet. look it up. sounds like its worth a try.

now that ive spilled most of my heart out i think mayb listening to music will help put me to sleep. i feel a little better for finally writing here. i will be back soon! x