normal

holidays were pathetic. i tried to fast then id break down and eat coz i was working so much. i couldnt handle it. first week back at school i ate healthy/normal. last night i broke down, 5 hours of panic attacks, yelling at my boyfriend, breaking things, crying. until i took 3 sleeping pills and i was knocked out. see ive tried to be normal but it ends out with anxiety. so to control my anxiety i need to control my food /sigh. for the next 3 days ill be living on green tea, water and diet pills. aha. my dad got me a gym membership as im competing in an annual 12k fun run. so yay. sorry i havent blogged in ages i just felt too pathetic. write up soon :) wish me luck on the next 3 days aha. x

sucess

so im sick of failure, my frame of mind has been so right over the past week, just eating healthy doesnt work for me aha. since monday i have been juice fasting as well as doing a minimum of an hour intense exercise a day, and i have formal this week so its been the biggest inspiration. right now my body is telling me it would be so easy to eat. but i cant ruin this now. oh well i will update soon :)

day 3

so the week of fasting was ruined by the flu :( i have been so sick today and i didnt eat until i had too, and all i had was pumpkin soup and 2 slices of toast with a little peanut butter :( i feel a little better. but although im sick i plan to go for a walk/run later. and then to start fasting again tomorrow because after the first 2 days i lost heaps! ill update again soon :)

nomnom

i think a nice little week of fasting will do me good. starting tomorrow - tuesday

thinspo/determination

so im feeling so proud of myself :) its only been 3 days but theyve been fantastic - well when it comes to this issue anyway :) so ive been able to control myself, and ive started exercising in my room each night while reading wasted so i must say i recomend reading of the book, ive read it all in the past 3 days! and ive found it the biggest thinspo, each morning i watch the pounds drop off! along with lots of water, coffee, and sugar free mints :) i think until i find another book besides winter girls (which really isnt as good) i will continue to constantly re-read over and over again wasted. it makes exercising not so boring plus provides me with inspiration.

im in such a good mood about this. if i continue with major success, i may actually posts stats next week! eeeeeeek :D

stay strong, and your all beautiful :)

starving sundays

so sundays are sacred, they begin with taking laxatives on a saturday night to cleanse the body. sundays i fast with nothing but water and green tea.
so my first sunday of this im doing well, then we decide were going to my grandmas for dinner (who serves the largest portions) she made meat pie with vegetables, now its extrememly important i eat something in front of her. so i ate all the vegetables then a little meat but started pushing it around the plate. my father noticed this and to my suprise said 'you dont have to eat it all' which later he explained was because he knows i only eat small portions so i was delighted. everybody except me had icecream for dessert :) so proud of myself. now on the way home after eating i got horrible digestion and chest pains. i knew it was because it was the first thing id eaten today. so i tried a few hot milos (without milk just water, which i dont think is too many calories). so this morning i weigh 2 pounds less than yesterday :) woo.

todays a new day :)
stay strong x

2:49am mind racing and jittery

so i cant sleep. ive tried everything. so i'll update.everythings getting better, i think that my brain is finally taking this seriously. ive started reading wasted for the 4th time i think. im quite proud of myself today, ive decided i like working, although there are temptations ive overcome those temptations at work and were now selling green tea again which is my choice of shift drink :) which is probably why im currently buzzing. for breakfast i had fat free yoghurt (65 calories) and then for lunch on break at work i had a little mix of celery, cucumber, carrot and 2 rice cakes (approx 100 calories) then as i was home i had a milo with water and a little milk so maybe (??????? calories, cant be too many though). i was disapointed i couldnt exercise today it was pissin down with rain. oh well hopefully this morning (if i ever get any sleep) i should be able to go work out. and im going to buy a proper set of scales, and a skipping rope. i also took laxatives a few hours ago and my belly wont shut up and it aches.

stay strong girrrlies :)