today

it wasnt that bad. i got up this morning and felt fine. had breakfast and thats when my stomach ache started to come on, i had cramps during the first few hours of the day but barely sat on the toilet (sorry about the details). i drank alot of water though and most of the time felt too sick to eat. but after school i had a doctors appointment which my boyfriend drove me too and he bought me 4 packets of lollypops, at least its all just sugar that i can burn off. but then he decided we should eat kfc for dinner. i pretty much just ate the potato and gravy. but i felt so bad about it i just took more laxatives coz i knoew i'll be able to deal with it tomorrow. i also went to the shops and ive bought various healthy snacks to keep me from even thinking about binging so hopefully this goes well :)

as if a good thing could ever make up for all the pain

i got into a pretty big fight with my boyfriend tonight. when im upset i have panic attacks and i have to take some kind of placebo to make me better which is usually just my iron tablets or nodoz. but i just had laxatives, its not that i felt fat (even though i do) i just used it to calm me down. i took a little more than it suggests. i'll update tomorrow to tell you how this turns out. and ill update on my progress of lately. night, hope your all doing well

an apple a day....

i recently read those who ate an apple a day halved their chance of getting cancer and then those who ate 2 apples a day halved the chance again. i cut out the article and stuck it on my wall. right now my metabolism is fucked. while i wanna be healthy, and eat healthy, and be normal its too hard to try and i end up starving then binging then starving and starving and binging. so i wanna try to eat a little more often but healthy stuff of course. do you see that backstage at fashion shows the most common foods eaten by models are apples. and having that cancer cut by eating apples just inspires me to eat them even more. can you guys tell me what your favourite healthy snack is that satisfies your craving to binge?

a whisper to a scream

a scream of desperation. im feeling quite strong lately. i finally bought those laxatives. theyll be sitting in my drawer, just in case. the juice fasting thing well lets just say after one day i ran out of fruit and veges. its expensive. so mhhm. im going nuts in my head. i cant help it. my mind is constantly racing. and i feel so fat its so gross :( but i think it will be ok. i hope it will be ok. ive discovered a love for air popped popcorn. low calories. and im going walking tomorrow morning. schools starting to stress me out /sigh.

semi-juice fast

so my dads great and he bought me a juicer :)! so ive decided that a juic fast is definately needed. although due to my dancing, my intense p.e. class, and my recent blood loss, i would probably pass out at school or something if i was surviving on juice alone. so i researched and researched no fat muffins and i made these cute little muffins with zero fat. so seeing its hard to take the juicer to school (lol thatd be so funny) i'll take one of my muffins :) and the good thing about the juicer is that it came with recipes and calories for all the fruit and veges aha so at least i know whats healthiest etc.

the last few days have been well i think but ive been so tired. so one other thing about this juice fast is that it will have to include caffeine, which will vary from day to day like either sugar free redbull, nodoz, soy lattes, aswell as my diet coke :)

my stomach is looking better already. if this juice fast goes well i think i may actually have the courage to put photos up aha. wish me luck. and one other thing, i was just wondering how long i should do this for. ive figured out for the next few days that i can get away with it for sure. i mean minimum of a week, and i guess if i get into situations where i have to eat i will just continue the fast after or some up with my little excuses :)

laxatives?

opinions. stories. recomendations. etc. anything on laxatives, please help :)!
today has been amazing. all i ate was a pear. i resisted more temptations than im usually offered. and hopefully tomorrow i'll see the results. my mind is racing. chew. suck. slurp. run. walk. faster. peel. i need to have thoughts racing through my mind. it feels good. real fucking good. im tired coz i have had proper sleep for about 3 days now. so not a long post. i'll post again tomorrow, and as i said any info on personel laxative use is needed! thanks lovelies

signing out

today was definately a success, and i could feel the nodoz i had get me so excited and just hyper and i dont wanna eat. my boyfriend came over for dinner and requested i made my classic burgers. so i did and i probably had about 3 bites, which then the smoke alarm went off and while my dad was fixing it, i chucked the rest of the burger out. so today i had an apple, redbull, and 3 small bites of a burger. i also bought lollypops, gum, tic tacs, and sugar free mints while i was at the shopsss :) ive got a good feeling about all this. now im going out and hopefully my alcohol intake wont be too high calorie but im sure ill vomit it up coz my stomach hates booze aha. night all x