back /sigh

reatreat was a joke. the cook was a joke. she was the head of her own catering company. the food she cooked was AMAZING. im not gonna go into details. i had to eat. the food was so nice. i guess im happy im not surrounded by that food here. hopefully i didnt gain too much. i had small serving sizes. and on one day a girl called me a fatty for eating a muffin (a friend making a joke) i was pissed off so i just ate garden salad for lunch even though they put nachos on my plate i resisted. and the exercise, we needed the energy. well im back and ready. ready to start the ABC tomorrow. ready to run everyday for the next 2 weeks of break. i have a question. should i buy laxatives as a punishment for if i binge? or is it really that horrible? mhhm?
tomorrows gonna be a stress. start of the abc, but we have morning tea at my grandmas with hot cross buns to celebreat good friday. woo -_-" like 200 and something clories in a hot cross bun, fml ill eat like one. but im excited to push myself to run everyday. i hope i can do it. peace out lovelies x

retreat

i'll be back in four days, i promise. and i hopefully i wont come back as some obese fat bloated cow, retreat will either be really good or really shit. it could be good as it depends on how well im watched and the food could be low calorie where we get tp pick our own serving size etc. or it could be really bad with big slobs or fatty foods that were forced to put down our throats and to be grateful and finish the whole dish /sigh. i wish i had time to go buy laxatives or something. ive decided laxatives are my new punishment if i binge. talk soon lovelies, wish me luck x

ugh

is it just me or, when i think about being fat it makes me so pissed off, angry, upset, that i need to just stuff my face, to just give up. fuck. i just read winter girls today. i suggest you girls read it :) it was quite inspiring. im gonna start ABC in a few days, anybody wanna join me? x

i have 10 minutes :)

ok well i have now 8 minutes till i leave to go to the doctor (something to do with my blood /sighhh) and so i didnt know what to do. just a quick post :) i havent been as active as i wouldve liked but its getting there ! i got up at 6am today to go to the gym with my dad woo :D although we werent there for heaps long coz he didnt feel up to it. he said when we move house hes gonna buy me a membership :) next to the eating. well its been ok. i live off diet coke and green tea but i seem to have small binges in the afternoon. it hasnt done too much damage and im glad i can get back up instead of giving up. last night i chopped up all this carrot and celery and put it in a bowl of water in the fridge so if i binge i can do it with healthy vegetables :) and also to stop binging, instead of just not eating anything during the day (besides diet coke) im taking a tomato to school and today because i went to the gym and may feel a little faint, im taking a small packet of kids cheese shapes haha. i have a few diets in mind as the holidays are coming up. i think week one ill live off just celery. as much as i want. whenever im hungry. then second week ill do what the girl does in devil wears prada and eat nothing until i feel like im going to pass out and have a cube of cheese, lol sounds kinda lame but maybe its a good idea? only problem is next week we have year 12 retreat, which sucks coz the teachers watch us like hawks, im surrounded by friends etc and itll be hard not to eat. ill just pick the healthy stuff. and were allowed to take our own snacks, drinks etc i plan on taking diet coke haha love that stuff. anyway doctors here i come ughhhh more needles. hope you all have a great day 8D

inspired;)!

after going through some peoples blogs i feel inspired to write here almost everyday if i have the time. because even if not many people read this by writing this it makes me feel amazing :) my diet is consisting of only green tea, diet coke and one mars bar a day. i already feel better. i just need to keep this up for the next 3 weeks although it will be difficult to avoid my fathers dinner forever.i read the maximum cups of green tea a day you should have is 10 and im getting close :) they say for weight loss benefits a minimum of 4 cups a day so by having close to 10 a day it should be good. and as i know that half way through the day i get to eat a mars bar its worth the hunger pains. ill probably write again either tonight or tomorrow :)

its been a while

i should probably get back into writing in this blog after all the stress im under i think itll help :) now i havent completely fallen off the rails seeing i havent written in a while ive just have zero achievements haha i was in hospital for a bit due to other things and gained a bit of weight there that im now ready to shed. i put up a picture of lady gaga from her telephone film clip i love it, its amazing :) shes lost so much weight her stomach and ass look so great. i read somewhere that her rapid weight loss was from for a few weeks all she had was coffee, diet soda and one mars bar a day to keep up her sugar levels. so starting today its a few diet cokes a day with one mars bar. so far so good haha :) and i have my dance classes tonight. as well as starting to hit the gym with my dad again and wednesday afternoons me and my friend are going to this park to walk :) so happy. im so keen to look good for my boyfriend and when ive lost a bit of weight im gonna buy some sexy lingerie etc and impress him. he definately deserves it for putting up with me. as for stress omg last year at school everythings a stress! but it gives me an excuse to spend recess and lunch in the study hall and not outside being forced to eat around friends. im pretty happy right now and hope anybody who reads this is too :) hopefully ill write back soon and HOPING i stick to my diet coke and mars bars. quick question what do you guys think is better diet coke or coze zero? mhhm give me your opinions :D thankyouuuuu, now for some situps :D

im living a nightmare

so i know you havent heard from me in a very long time and thats because i went to vietnam for little over a month and yeah. i warn you now this blog will be long as its 2:26am and i seriously cannot sleep. too much on the mind. so i might as well release, release it all as ive tried everything else to make me sleepy. now where was i, yeah i though mhhm while in vietnam nobody can control how or what i eat so hopefully ill come back tanned and skinny etc (it was a school trip) the first week i lost heaps of weight it was great buut after that i slowly put it back on, and i ended up thinking 'im on an amazing, once in a life time trip, dont ruin this just try new things' so i did and yeah that weight didnt stay off me long. then we did lots of energy stripping activities that required me to eat or id pass out and god those teachers on the trip were horribly over protective and if somebody felt the slightest bit sick they were watched like a hawk and had food forced down there throats. one morning i passed out and after that i was watched with every single eye of leadership. /sighhhhhhhh. well it was an amazing trip. when i got back for two weeks i lived off fruit. life was swell. then i had mad cravings and bye bye to that hot body. but new years resolutions; do well in year 12 (fuck my life i need a TER of 95.8 to get into pyschology honours ughhhh) stop eating maccas, HJs, and kfc (which has worked extremely well) and to save my small change. as well as tonight where i was watching a talk show and they were saying if you save every $5 note you get after a while you will have saved a fortune! so im gonna try that one :D :D cant wait coz right now im completely pov. also im so happy coz my cars being shipped over in the next 2 weeks, just before i go back to school, its a little red mazda astina from 1993 the best year of course ;) and my dad found an apartment so hopefully i can leave my grandmas, something ive been waiting for a very long time. see my life doesnt sound so bad? right? well lets get to the shit part.

friendship is something i dont want any of you to ever take for granted. please. my best friend had a breakdown coz apparently im all up in my own fucking world and i dont care about her and etc and some nasty things were said. i dont really wanna get into it. lets just say shes not my best friend anymore and i dont think even if she apologized i would be friends with her. ive had support but merrr its pretty shit :( shes moving like 3 hours away for the next 3 months. its weird. maybe its a good thing. i dont know. its why i cant sleep. ugh i wish i could sleep. i have extra school lessons tomorrow my dads paying a heap for so i can get a kick start this year. not being able to sleep totally blows. but for the upside i dont think ive eaten much for the past few days. and i feel extremely inspired to try new things. like i bought these caffeine tablets where you can take one every 3 hours but no less than the 3 hours between so i took 2 within half an hour (as said not to) and it gave me the shakes (which i enjoy) and gave me a little stomach pain but hey i wasnt hungry and thats the best bit hey ;) also the heat! ugh fuck i dont wanna work out but i think its a sign i need to start because i won a 3 day gym membership thing so woo save a little $$$ pplus it forces me to go the gym 3 days in a row. seeing schools back soon that means dancng too :D so my monday nights will be ballet, break, ballet, jazz then kinetic and that means no food woo. and its the holidays and i havent put on any weight but thats without exercise so once i start exercise i will hopefully loose weight. this year is going to be brutal and im almost sure that i can do this. for real this time. ill show you ex bestfriend lol wait until she comes back ill be skinny and she'll be the same fat lard shes always been. shes still got me down in the blues though ugh cant get my mind off it.

also i have a suggestion for a few of you looking at new diets or whatever, i was thinking of the beverly hills diet although i dislike prunes, ugh, yuck. but this new one i only heard of tonight called the shangri-la diet. look it up. sounds like its worth a try.

now that ive spilled most of my heart out i think mayb listening to music will help put me to sleep. i feel a little better for finally writing here. i will be back soon! x