so

i want thighs smaller than my knew caps more than anything
was angry/upset today i went out 3 times for exercise (job/run/walk)
and moderately healthy eating :)

research

i have done ALOT of browsing today on the net
and i have also counted that i have about 3 months to lose 35 pounds, do-able? i think so :)! were going on a big party holiday haha and my bikini WILL look amazing. so fasting has been failing for me simply coz ive been exercising so much. but after all this research i have found my staple foods/safe foods in which i will live off till i reach my desired weight, these include: DIET COKE (and a shit load of it), popcorn, sugar free gum & mints, cucumber, apples, oranges, celery, tomato, lettuce, jelo, weight watchers pudding, stringer cheese, and coffee. woo road to success, to thin :)

till october 10th

fasting starts today. stick to diet soft drinks or fresh juice ;)!
or if im desperately in need i will eat a low cal jelo, only 14 calories
woo

YEAH FASTING

midsummers night fast starts this friday woo i need this

wow

so inspired to post again. haha.

its so fucked up
i dont know what to do
yesterday i was the happiest ive been in a while because i felt pure control from both not eating and not talking to my boyf. this is the fucked up part - it made me think my weight would be better off if i didnt have him in my life. i love him and i want both, i want him and to be tiny. argh, last night i was actually considering breaking up with him. him, the one i thought id live the rest of my life with. ugh. fucking hard decisions. and i worked last night (work at maccas) and i was able to resist everything over my 8 hour shift, which is usually quite difficult as i can eat or drink anything i like for free, but i just stuck with diet coke & coke zero. fuck im good haha. and i know for a fact that since me and him have been dating i have put on weight.

besides diet pepsi what other sodas have

i wonder

how long would i be able to live off just diet joke? hahahaha

so i think the plan is: the occasional fruit or veges, and then every other time just diet coke (L) low calorie jelo and smokes woo

havent posted in a while, havent felt like im enough inspiration or inspired enough. but now i am. its odd. i think me eating is related to my boyf. weve been together for 6 months and while im happy with him im still unhappy with my image, i put on weight because i eat around him not to hide the ed but just coz. and so were in a major fight. and i feel majorly inspired without him really. all i had today was some tea (which i have without sugar or milk :D) and 2 cans of diet coke. no gum like usual no lollypops like usual. i just feel happy and energetic. i also took a caffeine pill this morning which is probably half the way i feel this way but HEY IF IT WORKS im loving this feeling :)! plus i bought like the most amazing dress last night and i think itd look better without love handles so i aint eating till after tomorrow night (which is the event in which im wearing the dress) hahahaha woo.

anybody who read this post, place a comment i'd like to know whos really listening and i wanna help everybody (hahaha i feel amazing)

stay strong girls and (maybe) guys
xx

ipicac

have any of you heard of ipicac? its this liquid that makes you vomit, i asked for it at the chemist the other day after an unavoidable binge. well they didnt stock it. so i ordered it online, and i got it today. woo this is good as every time i try to purge it fails, physically. eeeek :)